wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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