break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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