I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My breasts were aching with rage.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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