I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
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As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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