I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
