After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
