I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
