I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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