Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
