Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
