Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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