1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She said her name was "party"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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