Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
