3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why didn't you poke me back
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
