I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
