i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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