So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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