wrigley field is MILF paradise
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize