im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
