not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
