remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
