Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm going to jail i love you
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
