I hate your face
i think my tv is drunk
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
