can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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