i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
