do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
