How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
