god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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