Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
