i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
