i think my mom watched the whole time
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
