areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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