Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
