May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
