Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am one with the molecules
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
