Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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