this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
