Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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