You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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