I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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