Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
