That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
