Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
