So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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