Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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