Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
