Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
