I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
