I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
