Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
