Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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