I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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