wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
