Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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