I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
