Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
