it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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