cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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