if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
