Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
