Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.

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(713): View more from Texas

I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you

Fav 7 739 1285
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(214): View more from Texas

I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.

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(516): View more from New York

The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.

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(559): View more from California

No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.

Fav 13 903 1668
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die

Fav 8 1842 703
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.

Fav 1 866 400
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(870): View more from Arkansas

Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor

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