Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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