I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
this will be a night to untag.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
