I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
