This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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