and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
