apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
