I have demons in me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A+ Viking dick
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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