Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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