She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
