Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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