Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
