Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
