Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
